Parenting a gifted child isn’t easy. Here are my resolutions – and my promises – for treasuring the ones I’ve got.
Twelve years ago, they handed me a baby. She was small and pink.
I was exhausted and green.
I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea who I was holding, either: an intensely gifted, sensitive person, ability matched by challenge.
Eight years ago, they handed me a baby. And then four years ago, they handed me another one.
They were both little and pink, like their sister.
I was less green, a mercy that came at a price.
You see, raising one gifted child is baptism by fire. Raising three of them? Baptism by volcanic eruption.
There were incessant questions about topics I hadn’t studied in years. Sleepless nights injected with existential and philosophical crises. Irrational fears and sensory aversions that kept us inside or at home. Public meltdowns resulting in awkward questions. Academic frustrations that led to social quagmires.
Hindsight makes me queasy.
I see mistakes.
Missteps.
Missed opportunities.
Eleven years ago; seven years ago; three years ago, they handed me a baby, a gifted child who would set my world on fire.
Eleven years later, I’m handing them my promise.
Resolutions for my gifted child
I will love you for who you are
I admit I have wanted you to be normal. There is no normal – there is only you.
You, my children, are perfection.
I will not give up on you
Advocacy breeds exhaustion. It leaves me empty and breathless, wrapped in a selfishness of which I am not proud.
How many times must I request accommodations? How many times must I explain your needs?
Seven times 70, at least.
As long as you need me to.
I will not let you give up on yourself
You. Are. Wondrous.
Your thoughts make connections that terrify you. Your imagination combats a reality that stymies you. Your skills foment a perfection that devastates you.
You – each one of you – has a gift. I will not let the trappings destroy you.
I will listen to you
Yes, I am tired of Minecraft. I have heard enough scientific facts to write my own encyclopedia. I have listened to you sing the same song fifteen times, because the first fourteen weren’t perfect. We have taken half an hour to walk fifty feet because you must read every license plate.
Keep doing it.
Tell me everything you know. Tell me everything you fear. Tell me everything you love.
My ears and my heart are open.
I will let you make your own way
You came from me, but you are not me. Each of you is distinct, with a host of talents and interests I can’t begin to understand.
It’s okay that you don’t like to write. You are allowed to stop playing the violin. I will register you for soccer, and I won’t tell you I only picked daisies.
I will let you follow your path.
I will encourage you to try new things
Safety is a worthy pursuit. But so, my darlings is adventure.
The great minds of history are great because they challenged conventions. I will help you ask questions. I will help you break borders. When you are ready, I will help you step out of your comfort zone.
I will let you be yourself
Wear your wolf suit to the grocery store. Dress like Princess Leia for the day. Spend hours building your fantasy world, online and in real life.
You are a treasure.
I promise to treasure you.
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Enjoy this post? Read on:
Why Gifted Children are Anxious, Plus 4 Ways to Help Them Cope
Misunderstood and Gifted: How to Parent When a Label Doesn’t Fit
I’m Not Bragging When I Say My Child is Gifted
Be Gifted, But Don’t Be Rude: Balancing Needs and Social Skills in the Gifted Child
Kerry says
I’m always reminding myself to stand back and appreciate who my kid is at this moment. Thanks for this post. If there is one thing I’m getting from being a parent it’s patience.
Ginny Kochis says
And that’s the hardest part…
Anni says
This is a beautiful reminder – to meet our children where they are, to accept them, and to love them. I am sure having gifted children is no easy feat, and comes with extra challenges not seen by other parents. I’ve heard that it can be a lonely place for parents. And, I am so grateful you are putting your experience and love out there for the other parents who struggle with the challenges (and rewards) that having gifted children bring! Your post is a beacon of hope for so many other parents!
Ginny Kochis says
Thank you, Anni <3
Alicia says
Thanks for the reminder to keep my ears and heart open. It can be so hard to listen to All The Random Science Facts all day, but that openness is beyond value. 🙂
Ginny Kochis says
It definitely is!
Jessica Kong says
I have to admit I cried reading this. My youngest son has developmental delays with speech and motor, he is diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and sensory disorder and is being evaluated for Autism now. He needs glasses and has 4 different therapies throughout the week and sometimes I just feel like I can’t offer him enough. This reminded me that all he needs is my encouragement and love and I am enough and he is perfect. Thank you
Ginny Kochis says
You are always enough <3
Becky says
This is a beautiful post. I’m in tears reading it. It is a great reminder how wonderfully challenging the never ending, and often stumping, questions are. It is reassuring that others stay inside because your child might try to explain to an older child why he shouldn’t touch a certain mushroom and receive an unkind response. Thank you for sharing and for encouraging the giftedness that often means there is no premade social place for your children. (Don’t worry, they make their own.)
Ginny Kochis says
That’s so true – they do make their own.
Ellie says
I honestly don’t know how you do it, I feel like I am barely surviving with one divergent thinker. I might have to print this out and re read it in those darker moments. Like when it’s taking an hour to get him to get into the bath and he is standing there with one sock on trying to negotiate his bath time terms. But I know he was given to me for a reason. Because I can handle four years of no sleep. I have the patience to listen to all the words. I have the understanding to weather the meltdowns.
Ginny Kochis says
It’s the same as handling one, really. You just get used to it <3
You sound like a wonderful mom. He is lucky to have you.
Caitlyn says
Beautiful.
bekki@a better way to homeschool says
Oh, how I loved this. (Added it to my share queue.)
I feel so ill-equipped to parent my “smart-than-me” children…
Ginny Kochis says
Thank you – I’m glad it resonated. It is super intimidating, but the truth is, they need us – we’re their moms!
Val says
This brought a smile to my face after my 11year old just asked me to sign him up to yet another minecraft coding boot camp while wearing his Santa hat ( a constant this time of the year until January), another is singing wildly while playing the piano( same tune for the last week and half), another was found this morning on Beast Academy ( the one who doesn’t like math) before most of the house was awake. I know the intensity first hand, as I’m gifted, but raising multiple gifted, 2Es take it to the next level of madness. I’m learning to embrace the ‘chaos’. Thanks for your help on this.