Made in God’s image and likeness, we owe it to ourselves to rest and be renewed. Self-care is absolutely not selfish. We can’t give what we don’t have.
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We were overscheduled.
- Acting class from 12:30 to 1:30
- Spa party with the AHG troop from 2:00 to 4:00
- Family friends had two children in an art show at 5:00 in the evening (it was a madhouse – a million people in a space the size of my living room)
- Quick stop at the grocery store
- Dinner and visit with the same family friends
- Home at Bedtime Thirty, all of us tired and cranky
I plugged in the address for the next day’s 2:30 playdate.
45 minutes – if we took the toll road.
The next day was Sunday: mass followed by brunch with my mom. My husband had a separate obligation at 2:00 – I would be the one to drive the kiddo.
An hour commute meant I would need to stay up there despite overflowing opportunities at home.
Panic. It was late. I was tired. I really couldn’t handle anything more. I hemmed and I hawed – she’d been looking forward to this forever.
My fingers flew across the phone screen of their own volition. We would need to reschedule. I went to bed feeling guilt-ridden and alone.
The Truth About Motherhood
Like a lot of modern mothers, I struggle with the inability to say no. It comes from a desire to do everything for my family: I don’t want us to miss an opportunity, nor do I want to let anybody down. But in the back of my mind is a voice that tugs at my sanity. He’s my personal Wormwood, and sad to say, he knows me well. He does his darndest to upend the holiness of my vocation. He tries to take my Catholic motherhood and turn it on its head.
How? Well, think of it this way. From the moment a life begins growing or is placed in our welcoming arms, we become a maternal model of Christ’s passion:
This is my body, given up for you.
We take on a life of great joy and great sacrifice, each part of mothering a work of mercy and a path of love. God in his goodness designed our vocation as a journey toward redemption. Like Jesus, we walk a mother’s Way of the Cross.
Of course, this is good and right and holy, but original sin makes us stumble and fall. We begin to fixate on the role of selflessness in our salvation.
We don’t want to make selfish choices – aren’t we supposed to keep giving that self-donative love?
And so sleep is hard to come by. Showers are a mythical unicorn. For lunch, we might inhale the crust of a sandwich, seven goldfish, and someone else’s half-eaten celery. We can’t really remember what non-picture books are for.
The kids get older and the selflessness changes. We’re up late worrying about how they’ll navigate the world. We run to soccer practice, art class, the dance studio, and friends’ houses.
All the while, we drift from sanctification to emotional and spiritual rot.
Wormwood knows this weakness. He knows we love our children to distraction, that our motherhood is foremost in our hearts. He uses this to upend the vocation of our motherhood. We fall to the bottom of our list of priorities, giving up on the woman God loves.
Mama, Self-Care is Absolutely Not Selfish
If our motherhood is the model of Christ’s sacrifice, it stands to reason that the parallel extends. Because of his divinity, Christ practiced perfect prudence in all things. While he willingly lay down his life through his Passion and Crucifixion, he did not spend his days in sorrow or despair. Instead, he exhibited a balance between service and self-care, whether that meant taking time away from the crowds when he needed it or reclining at table with friends.
We are called to practice that same virtue of prudence. Yes, sacrifice is a valid and worthy part of our journey as mothers. But we are made in the image and likeness of God the Father, just like Jesus.
It’s not selfishness to take care of ourselves.
Read something worthwhile
Yes – I mean a book. No time to read? Let go of the idea of several chapters in one sitting. It’s one of those things you have to take one page at a time. (Need some suggestions? Here are a few titles I recommend:)
Good Enough Is Good Enough: Confessions of an Imperfect Catholic Mom (Catholicmom.com)A Parent Who Prays: A Journal to Guide You in Praying For Your ChildrenBlessed Is the Fruit of Thy Womb: Rosary Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant LossThe Catholic Mom’s Prayer Companion: A Book of Daily Reflections (Catholicmom.com Book)Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood by Melanie Jean Juneau (2015-07-12)
Wear something beautiful
Bring peace and joy to your day with a physical reminder of the beauty of creation. Choose a piece of religious jewelry (like one of these handcrafted items) and you’ve got a double whammy. It’s not just a lovely piece to look at – it’s the perfect reminder to help you pray.
Apple and Azalea Morse Code NecklaceAve Maria FaithCrafts Pearl and Lapis Miraculous Medal EarringsHappy Nest HomeGoods Essential Oil Diffuser EarringsSmall Things Great Love Jesus, I Trust in You BanglePink Salt Riot Wife+Mama Rose Gold Choker
Reconnect with an old friend
We’re constantly connected via social media, but what about the world that exists offline? Pick up the phone. Write a letter. Walk across the street and say hello. Go out of your way and make a personal connection – maybe you can pray or share a treat together. It will keep both of you from feeling alone. (Find the perfect set of notecards, a treat, and prayer journal supplies below ).
Annunciation Designs Encouragement Note CardsPebblecreek Prints Watercolor NotecardsM&M’S Pretzel Chocolate Candy Sharing Size 8-Ounce BagArmaDei Prayer Journal Craft KitArmaDei Phone Lock ScreensArma Dei A Little Way To Pray EbookWear
Wear Real Clothes
I hear you – comfort is key. But you owe it to yourself to get out of athleisure. Purchase one new-to-you (thrift stores allowed) high-quality staple. Get dressed before you take on your day. (You can also contact my good friend and LulaRoe stylist, Lisa. She’s amazingly generous and will set you up!)
Straighten up your interiors – but don’t do it on your own
They say clutter increases stress and I believe it, but I think for me it’s because I’m handling it all alone. If you’re drowning in chores and housekeeping, call in for reinforcements. Check out a chore app like Homey or a token economy to keep your kiddos focused and on task.
Pick up a hobby (or rediscover an old one)
The internet is a glorious resource. There is so much you can learn for free! Pick up something new or rediscover an old hobby. What did you enjoy before you were a mom? Are you still doing it? How can you make it a reality?
Go out by yourself
When a trip to the dentist sans kids feels like a vacation, you know you are overdue for some time alone. Hire a sitter or enlist a friend to watch the kiddos. Head to the library, an art gallery, or a coffee shop and stay there. Bring a book and put away your phone.
Get some exercise and pamper yourself
Get up early if you have to; work prayer time into your workout routine. If you can’t get up early, park the kids in front of the TV for 25 minutes and try a quick HIIT workout (quick tip: my kids love doing HasFit videos with me). Don’t forget to follow up with some serious self-care for your health and body (I’ve got some resources below)
Bonnie Way, Independent Norwex Consultant Optic ScarfBonnie Way, Independent Norwex Consultant Lip BalmKidderbug Kreations Amazing Woman Hand Sanitizer CaseKidderbug Kreations Amazing Woman Lip Balm CaseDoTerra OnGuard Protective BlendAlba Botanica: Natural Hawaiian Body Scrub Sea salt, 14.5 ozWhole Foods Market, Organic Peppermint Lip Balm, 0.15 ozLux Naturals White Tea and Ginger Soap
Ladies, say it with me.
It is not selfish to take care of myself.
It is, however, all too easy to let go of the woman God has fashioned. Don’t listen to the lies Wormwood tells you. God wants so much more for your life.
Quick note: all those items I’ve mentioned previously?
You can see them below.
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Clothing and Jewelry
Courage Morse Code Necklace 28, from Apple and Azalea
Miraculous Medal Bracelet 28, from Relics by Rose
Pearl and Lapis Miraculous Medal Earrings 20, from Ave Maria FaithCrafts (not pictured, see link above)
Essential Oil Diffuser Earrings 10, from Happy Nest Home Goods
Jesus, I Trust in You Bangle 16, from Small Things Great Love
Wife + Mama Rose Gold Choker 14, from Pink Salt Riot (not pictured, see link above)
Styling Session and Shop Credit 100, from LulaRoe Lisa Gonzales
Health, Beauty, and Wellness
Norwex optic scarf 10, from The Koala Mom
Norwex Lip balm 10, from The Koala Mom
Wonder Woman Hand sanitizer and case 9, from Kidderbug Kreations
Lip balm and Wonder Woman lip balm holder 9, from Kidderbug Kreations
Do terra OnGaurd oils kit and sampler 28, from JOYfilled Wellness
Alba Botanicals Hawaiian body scrub 9, from The Natural Catholic Mom
Whole Foods Orange Pomegranate Organic Lip Balm and Peppermint Organic Lip balm 4, from The Natural Catholic Mom
Lux Naturals soap 6, from The Natural Catholic Mom
Relaxation and Encouragement
Pretzel M&Ms 8, from Prayer Wine Chocolate (not pictured)
Encouragement note cards 9, from Annunciation Designs
Blank watercolor note cards 16, from Pebble Creek Prints
Coloring book and markers 18, from Trendzilly
Prayer Journal Prompts Craft Kit 15, from Arma Dei: Equipping Catholic Families (not pictured)
A Little Way to Pray EBook 6, from Arma Dei: Equipping Catholic Families (not pictured)
Encouraging Phone Lock Screens (choice of 3) 6, from Arma Dei: Equipping Catholic Families (not pictured)
Books
Catholic Mom’s Prayer Companion 15, from Alison Gingras, Reconciled to You
Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood 10, from Bonnie Way, The Koala Mom
A Parent who Prays 9, from Katie Warner
Blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb: Rosary Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss 14, from Heidi Indahl, Work and Play, Day by Day
Following Mary: 25 Days of Devotions to the Blessed Virgin Mary, from Ginny Kochis, Not So Formulaic (not pictured)
Good Enough is Good Enough: Confessions of An Imperfect Catholic Mom 16, from Colleen Duggan
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L says
Amazing set of items!
Ginny Kochis says
Thank you! I wish I could win my own giveaway!
Marci krull says
Thank you for your, (and the other contributors as well), generosity. What a blessing. Your blog post was a great read too. A great reminder that I need to take care of myself.
Ginny Kochis says
You’re so welcome
Brittany Fryman says
What an awesome message about self-care and a great giveaway. I definitely fall into the category of struggling to say no and it certainly can take its toll.
Ginny Kochis says
It really can. I’m glad you found it helpful!
Vivian says
Thank you for this message of self care! Constantly I have been told that I need to give up everything for the family to be a good mom. I refuse to do that and go for my facials and massages as I need my own space too!
Ginny Kochis says
You do, for sure!
Sarah Angus says
Thank you so much for sharing! This can get even more difficult for working moms – “I just spent the whole day away from the kids working, I must be bad mom for taking some time for myself instead of spending every moment when I’m not working doing fun things them.” Thankfully the dance class that I take actually begins after their bedtime!
Ginny Kochis says
That’s very true. I work from home, so while I don’t experience those circumstances exactly, I do know that guilt quite well.
Michelle Gelineau says
Great reminder that all Moms need to take care of themselves…. without guilt! We also need to continue to find things that fill us up and give us joy. Thank you!
Ginny Kochis says
You’re welcome!
Charity Shepherd says
Oh Ginny, you are so sweet to set up this giveaway! I am as guilty as a mom can be of putting off self-care. Thanks for doing this!
Ginny Kochis says
Of course!
Fouad says
Wow! Parenthood sounds like a lot of work! I’m glad to still be far away from it. But surely it is a blessing also. Its so cool that you have so much stuff in this giveaway
Ceecee says
While he willingly lay down his life through his Passion and Crucifixion, he did not spend his days in sorrow or despair. Instead, he exhibited a balance between service and self-care, whether that meant taking time away from the crowds when he needed it or reclining at table with friends.
I need to model this!
Ginny Kochis says
So do I <3
Cheryl says
“Showers are a mythical unicorn.” I love this post. It was a real reminder for me, and one I needed! Thank you!
Cynthia L Allen says
Thanks for the opportunity to win. Happy Mother’s Day!
Ginny Kochis says
You’re welcome! Happy mother’s day to you as well.
Kitty says
Such a lovely giveaway!! Thanks for compiling!
Ginny Kochis says
Of course!
Michelle Shelly Clark says
Excited!!
Ginny Kochis says
Good luck!
Kayla says
Wow! What a wonderful giveaway! I am usually not so lucky with winning anything but wish everyone the best of luck! God Bless!
Amy says
Whoa! What a giveaway!
Whende Rueschhoff says
Oh Ginny!! You totally spoke to my weary soul today… I will try to give myself some of your suggested self-love. You are such an inspiration ❤️
Ginny Kochis says
Oh, friend. Big hugs <3
Stefanie says
How generous of all the givers! It looks like an amazing collection of goodies. I’ll be bookmarking this, just in case I’m not the lucky lady. 😀
Ginny Kochis says
I’ve been blown away by the generosity <3
Maureen says
Thank you for the chance!
The post was very helpful. I need to implement some of these ideas.
Ginny Kochis says
I’m so glad. You’re welcome!
Momma Young says
Pick me! Pick me! This give-a-way would be the perfect bday gift (I turn the big 4-0 on Tuesday).
Totally agree with the self care. It’s getting easier for me as my kids get older, even though I still have a baby and a toddler. The teens and older kids help so much and help make things easier.
Ginny Kochis says
Happy birthday! My oldest is 11, but yes, I still find it hard.
Christen says
Hello there! I am an ambassador for CB Jewelry. We are a faith based jewelry company. We provide meaningful and unique jewelry. I would love to get involved in some type of giveaway or promotion of some sort. If you have any interest, please feel free to message me! I will provide my email below. I look forward to sharing this company and its mission with you and so many other Catholic women. Thank you in advance!
Ginny Kochis says
Hi Christen. Thanks for stopping by. I’ll take a look!
Lisa says
What an amazing giveaway!
Ginny Kochis says
Thank you! Best of luck!
Emily Davis says
How wonderful.
THanks girl for the chance to enter.
Em
Pam says
Lovely list of gifts. Saving for great gift ideas for myself and other moms I know who need to take care of themselves.