Children learn best through play, and kindergarten is the best opportunity for that. We owe it to our kids to dial back the academic focus and learn to get out of the way.
She arrived at 5:30 in the morning. There’d been little warning: only six hours of contractions about as regular as a chameleon on a kaleidoscope. She’s barreled through life ever since, taking prisoners only when necessary.
Life with this child is breathless. It is equal parts elation and vexation, admiration and scorn. It’s pulling my hair out one minute and whistling Dixie the next. It’s learning to see defiance as an assertion of independence and redirecting unbridled intent into a steady, forward climb.
My middle child’s singular determination can be an asset, to be sure. She potty trained herself at 18 months, tossing her used diaper in the trash and proclaiming (in a French accent, no less), “Diapaaaaiiiiiirrrrrrr!!!!!”. But in the homeschooling classroom this past year, I’ve been the one most likely to make a French pronouncement under my breath. By trade, I am a high school English teacher. My specialty is composition. This year I’ve been trying to teach a headstrong five-year-old to read, write and do basic math.
It’s gone about as well as you can probably imagine.
Prior to the start of the school year, I researched several different curricula and chose one I thought would appeal to my daughter. In October I conceded it was not the right fit. But because my daughter comes by her strong will honestly, I soldiered on, hoping I could somehow make it work. My husband’s Texas roots are fond of saying, “Square peg don’t fit in a round hole.” I had a square peg. I had a round hole. And by golly, I would make it fit.
I bought a new set of books in January.
A different approach brought less resistance and fewer tears – at first. But then I discovered she couldn’t write the alphabet, nor could she match letters with their corresponding sound. I pushed harder. She pushed back. We spent lots of time going nowhere, riding a broken carousel of frustration at top speed.
Both of us needed off, and fast. But I kept coming back to the expectations of traditional elementary schools. Would she flourish in that sort of environment?
Sometimes I think Facebook has the ability to read minds.
It is both highly unsettling and oddly accommodating.
Around the time I felt as though I was a) failing and b) about to launch us into space courtesy of a crazed amusement ride, articles about the overt academization (is that even a word?) of kindergarten started showing up in my newsfeed.
Study after study has proven that kindergarten is not only “the new first grade;” but also that its current model is detrimental to our kids. Reading is a developmental skill, much like crawling, walking, and talking. Trying to force it is like teaching a two-month-old to walk: the brain and the body just aren’t ready. Besides, “no research documents long-term gains from learning to read in kindergarten,” and schools “are setting unrealistic reading goals…using inappropriate methods to accomplish them” (Carlsson-Paige, McLaughlin, Almon).
I can vouch for that, and not just in my own experience teaching kindergarten at home. The mother of a student of mine confided that her youngest child’s school has done away with all play in the classroom. They get 20 minutes of recess, after which it’s back to worksheets to prep for the Developmental Reading Assessment or DRA. I don’t know about you, but my memories of kindergarten involve lots of clay (brown), blocks (wooden), music (percussion), and Halloween parades (Casper, the Friendly Ghost). Do we really want our kids to remember that they did worksheets? In kindergarten?
In my zeal to provide an authentic kindergarten experience for my middle child, I had forgotten a two things.
- My middle was born four days before the kindergarten cut-off, setting her light years behind in development as far as her kindergarten placement was concerned. Her older sister, for example, was a full nine months older when she started kindergarten.
- The eldest’s kindergarten experience was, well, different. She is an asynchronous child, meaning that her academic abilities far outweigh her social skills. While this put her at a huge disadvantage in many ways, it created a situation in which my oldest child just did her own thing. Yes, she sat at the desks and did some of the work. But she also wandered off to play with blocks and read books, sometimes even leaving the classroom to go hang out in the library (not that I’m endorsing that, by the way. It’s just how she coped with a bad situation). My oldest did what came naturally to her despite the artificial setting and spent a great deal of time in the principal’s office as a result. As much as I resented the school’s pressure to conform, I couldn’t see that I was doing the same thing to my middle girl in her own home. I had viewed my kinder’s constant requests for breaks as defiance and her desire for play as disinterest. In reality, she was using creative, non-directed play as her own curriculum and begging me to get on board.
Of the two of us, I think I have learned the most this year. This is not to say that she has accomplished nothing. She is a brilliant actor, she excels in music, and her people skills are better than some adults I know. She is also incredibly witty, intensely compassionate and overwhelmingly empathetic. She has learned basic math, not because of a workbook, but because she’s been adding and subtracting laps during our homeschool track practice. She has learned to recognize certain words, not because of a reading curriculum, but because she adores Star Wars and has memorized some of the Star Wars Golden Books (yes, they do indeed exist). She has increased her fine motor skills, not because I’ve asked her to trace and write letters, but because she sits and draws wolves, foxes and princesses with her sister at the dining room table.
She has made her own curriculum despite my efforts to the contrary. It may have taken me an entire school year to recognize how well she was doing on her own, but I’m happy to say that I think we have found a groove in which we can both thrive.
She’s five. She needs to play. All children her age do. And we need to get out of the way.
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Erica Doyle says
Facebook does read minds! Dan and I just concluded last night that Andrew will be homeschooled for K. We realized he would do better in a less rigid environment, at least for the time being!
Ginny Kochis says
Glad you made a decision you feel good about. Will you do the same for M?
Grandma K. says
How many other 5-year olds have finished their first five quilt squares?
Ginny Kochis says
You are so right! Love it!
Karen Edmisten says
Yes! The art of (and vital need for) play has gotten lost. Children learn so much through simply living life with their families. Have a play-filled summer and upcoming school year!
Ginny Kochis says
Thank you! I’m looking forward to just being present with my kiddos.
Erin@HumbleHandmaid says
So glad you have peace about this finally. I love hearing that!;) I’m in a similar boat with a Kindergartener who I’ll be homeschooling for First grade next year. He is reading a little bit, but not fluently like his (very good and sweet) teacher is pushing for. And I’ll have a Kindergartener right behind him in our homeschool too next year. I have a homeschooling friend with a very bright, sweet and compliant child the same age as my current Kindergartener. When I was catching up with her a couple of years ago, she mentioned her child was already reading ( at four years old) and so she “felt like she was doing a good job with homeschooling.” It has taken me a while to realize that with her child is in school or at home, all of these precious souls are different, and it doesn’t mean that a teacher or curriculum or educational setting is deficient if they are not reading fluently by the end of kindergarten. I am very grateful honestly to have access to a lot of blogs and good resources from the homeschooling community that have taught me not to worry so much about what a child means to be doing by the end of the specific grade level. Especially when there so little! My pre-K daughter has been homeschooled this year and she is so happy in such a sweet little girl and his played and read books with me and done relatively crafts (my son brings them home daily from school and I used to feel guilty that I didn’t so many at home!!) and she is a wonderful bright child.
Erin@HumbleHandmaid says
Ack…forgive all of those typos from doing this on my phone!!!
Ginny Kochis says
“All of these precious souls are different” – so true! I think it’s easy to fall prey to the pressure of competition (usually self-imposed, in my case). They are little for such a short time….
Christina says
Love, love, love this! Thanks for sharing your experience!
Ginny Kochis says
You’re welcome! Thanks for visiting!