Creating isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let fear drag you down.
On February 2, 2016, I pulled the trigger on my first post. I wrote about finding God’s voice in the noise of children and homeschooling.
But I only shared part of the story.
The truth is my blog actually went live four months earlier, in November of 2015. I wrote that first post when I was having A DAY: lots of screaming (mine), a fair amount of crying (the kids’), and a single pronouncement of hatred for homeschooling and frustration with the life I’d chosen.
It was clear I needed a break. I parked the kids in front of the TV and spilled my anger onto the keyboard. Twenty minutes later I had a thousand words on paper and a better grip on reality. My finger hovered over the publish button.
I clicked Save Draft instead.
The post sat in months of limbo while I contemplated my sins. There was quite a bit of struggle lurking in those words. Did I want to give it a voice? If I did, was that voice even worth reading?
Every few weeks I would log in, read the post, and pick myself apart. The post was raw. The post was angry.
The post needed another two paragraphs.
So I wrote them. I revised the piece to reflect the person who had emerged on the other side of the keyboard. She was calmer, easier on herself, and generally a whole lot happier, especially to be writing again (thank you Zoloft). I published the post, shared it on Facebook, and waited for the influx of readers.
If you are a blogger, you are probably well aware of what happened next: a whole lot of nothing. Bloggin’ ain’t a field of dreams – just because you write it doesn’t mean your readers will come. The internet is infinite, stretching as far as the network can see. Readers have to find you in the extra noise, and the process of helping them find you is an introvert’s nightmare.
Bloggers must use self-promotion on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest. They must participate in professional development, networking, collaboration, and guest posting. And while a blogger is all but standing on the corner with a shingle to her name, she’s still molding and shaping her writer’s craft in search of The Thing setting her apart in the great cyber sea.
It gets tiring. As a sensitive soul, I started to question the motives of the people I encountered. Were they commenting on my post and sharing it because they really liked it? Or were they just being social because they wanted something from me? I became intensely jealous and overtly suspicious. Collaboration became a chore, and my experiences with guest posting were lackluster at best (the incident that hurt the most was a piece I slaved over for weeks, only to find it so heavily edited on the other blogger’s site that it was no longer representative of my work).
There are so many voices, I told myself. So many writers with more followers, more exposure. Why was I even keeping a blog in the first place?
I thought about quitting. A lot, actually. But I pushed through, and the more I kept writing even when I didn’t want to or when I didn’t think anyone would care, the more I discovered the truth in an old adage from grad school:
Writing is thinking.
It is healing.
It is dreaming, seeking, finding, and giving.
Writing breathes life to a voice as unique as the story the writer has lived. It gives writers the chance to become someone else’s whispered prayer.
So to all the writers who wonder if any of it should see the light of day, to all the creative hearts who guard their gifts, to all the souls who fear the specter of rejection, I say, do it anyway.
Write the story.
Sing the song.
Pull the trigger.
There’s room out there for all of us.
Ginny, you have a special gift of creating words in a way that touches the heart. I am in tears here because I have had the same thoughts. Am I really good enough? Will I ever really be able to support my family on this thing? I think it’s why so many blogs crash and burn. It’s not just about the writing… It’s all of the other stuff too. I’m so glad you kept writing… Keep up the good work.
Oh, Amy. That is so kind of you! The answer is yes – you CAN do this. I am so impressed with what you have done in such a short time. It can only get better from here 🙂
As for me, I may be good with words, but I’m not a business woman. That’s where I’ll probably end up crashing and burning 🙂
I’ve been through every. single. struggle you mentioned. When I started doing this I had no idea it would be so hard or take so much work. But I’m grateful every day that I have the gumption to stick with it, just as I’m grateful you did. The interweb would be a much less beautiful place without you in it.
You sure know how to make a girl blush. Honestly, I could say the same about you. We’ve chosen a tough path. But it’s one that adds value, and I think that makes it worth the struggle.
Thank you for sharing this 🙂 I find myself wondering if its worth my “noise” on the internet with all the other words out there. But you’re right, it is healing for me to write the words, even if no one else sees them.
Oh, Rachel. Of course it is worth it! And for what it’s worth, I love reading your blog.
This post was a much needed read! Writing is so healing; I think it is so easy to forget that when I get wrapped up in influencing or making a direct difference. Sometimes its just about being where Christ needs me to be. Thank you. I hope Monday was awesome in a good way.
You’re welcome – and thank you for your kind words. You are right – sometimes it is just about being where Christ needs us to be.
Thank you for the encouragement! I’ve learned so much about myself through writing and it really is very often how I process my thoughts and even KNOW what I think! It can be terrifying having my voice out there, especially the raw stuff, though. There is so much vulnerability in writing, in putting your name out there to other bloggers, in not fitting in to the groups quite right. It’s an act of faith sometimes to just do it in the hopes that it can help one person.
It’s the raw stuff that takes the most out of me, too. But I find so often that that is what people need – to know they aren’t alone.
This is a great post. Thanks for sharing your struggle and then the success of letting your voice be heard. I find myself questioning why I would want to blog at all but still find a desire to do so. Most days I am afraid that I just don’t know my own voice.
You have given me alot to think about today, a reason to write as a means to healing. I love that and maybe it will help me to get started blogging again. I hesitate to say writing because I am not a writer. I just have alot to say. 🙂
Anybody who has a lot to say is a writer 🙂
Beautiful post! I have thought of quitting too. Feeling like I wasn’t heard. But I’ve realized that writing is a king to therapy for me. I feel better after getting the words out of my head and onto paper.
It’s therapeutic for me, too 🙂
Where to start. Wow? Breathtaking? I just started blogging a year ago. It is oh so hard. You write, you edit, you proofread. You worry, stress, freak out, doubt. All of the above and more. Yet it just takes one person to say that they get it, they get you, a simple thanks. So Thank you! For writing, for pressing publish, for doing what you do and know it matters. From one blogger to another, know I get it and I appreciated this post a ton!
I’m so glad it resonated with you. It’s hard, I know, but you do a great job!
Such a great post! I remember how TERRIFIED I was to put my first posts out on the internet. When I first started my site back in 2007, I didn’t have any pictures of me, I didn’t say anything about who I was, and I basically hid behind my site. Once I turned it into a blog, that all had to change. But every single step of the way has been a huge exercise in growth for me as I become more comfortable with who I am.
I’ll have to search for the post that you’re talking about as I’d love to read it. I’ve found that the more open and honest we are in our blogging, the more we touch the hearts of others.
Hey Michelle. It’s linked within the post, I think 🙂
I agree about the openness issue. It’s the only way I know to write. Otherwise it just seems fluffy to me, you know?
Great reminder and encouragement to keep “doing what I’m doing.” I keep telling myself I need to put it out there, promote it as best I can, and let God do the rest. If He wants me to be writing, He’ll provide the audience, whether I know it or not. Thank you for this post!
You are so welcome, friend. You have a gift. Keep at it.
I love your heart, friend. I’m glad you press publish over and over again- your words land in my heart so often. Keep on keepin’ on.
Amen, Amen, Amen! There is room out there for all of us! I truly believe it. God has created all of us – and what really keeps me going is a prayer inspired by Saint Catherine of Siena: “Dear God, please help me to be who YOU want me to be – and set the world on fire”!!!
I am bookmaking this, so I can come back to it again and again, on those days I feel like giving up. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this encouragement. My blog has been sitting untouched for 6 years. I opened it over a year ago to restart it and panicked. I haven’t touched it since but it’s been on my heart ever since. I need to just get to it.
Those words just left my mouth a few hours ago while on the phone with a friend. It seems like so much great stuff already exists. What can I bring to the table? Thanks for reminding me that there is not competition in God’s economy. God set me on this path for a reason.
Growth! How to survive it? Yes, survive! You have it summed up extremely well. Congratulations.
Oh how I love this! I realized this awhile back, and because of it I love blogging again. I hate hate hate promotion. Did I mention that I hate it? Haha
“It gives writers the chance to become someone else’s whispered prayer.”
THAT is why I write!
It’s nice to meet you btw 🙂
Nice to meet you, too, Mandy! Thanks for stopping by <3